Problems
by Beccy.00
Summary: Start of season 8. What will happen to Meredith? An idea of what could happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Problems – Sex Pistols**

Meredith settled onto the sofa. The plush, soft cushions engulphed and comforted her. Her eyelids immediately shuddered and dropped halfway; weariness surrounded her. She gave in to her heavy eyes and she slept, her drained brain not providing the usual slideshow of dreams in its wrecked state.

'Aaahhh!' The shill noise pierced the protective layer of sleep. Her eyes flicked to the digital alarm that rested on the side table. 02:34. She dragged her body from the cushions, her slippered feet scuffing the floor and she plodded mindlessly upstairs.

'Zola. Why? Let mommy have some sleep. I've changed, fed and washed you. I've put on your lullabies. Please let me sleep.' She moaned at the child, who in turn just stared plaintively back at her occasionally sobbing. Meredith opened the childcare book which had become her Derek. The pages were yellowing and the spine was already broken from the constant use that had been necessary during the five days she had had Zola.

_Reading to the child in a soothing voice is a particularly effective way of getting them to fall asleep. Children feel safe at the sound of a familiar voice and at this age they are too young to understand the meaning behind the words however, it has been proven children who are read to develop language skills faster._

Meredith turned to the bookshelf in Zola's nursery. Her long, surgeon's fingers danced over spines in a slow search for a something to read. Finally, they settled on a thick, bound spine, she slipped her nails into the crevices and extracted the book from its neighbours. Her body sank into the padded rocking chair and she heaved the cover open.

'The term human anatomy comprises a consideration of the various structures which make up the human organism. In a restricted sense it deals merely with...'

Five minutes later Zola's eyes fluttered closed to the calming vowels and consonants drifting from her mother's mouth. Meredith followed her shortly after, the colossal copy of _Gray's Anatomy _peacefully resting on her lap.


	2. Chapter 2

_~Two weeks later~_

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _Her eyes flashed open and she struggled to reach for her pager. Seeing the emergency code, she scrambled upright. The book fell from her lap, creating a painfully loud noise. Zola awoke. Her eyes screamed how startled she was and her mouth formed a perfect circle of surprise. Meredith scooped her up before she could start caterwauling. They hurried downstairs and Meredith flicked the coffee maker on before strapping Zola firmly into her carrier. She grabbed the carrier, the baby bag, the car keys and the fresh, steaming mug of coffee and pushed out into the cool Seattle morning.

The automatic doors flew open and Meredith swept into Seattle Grace Mercy West. She stalked across the lobby floor and squeezed through the rapidly closing doors of the elevator. She looked at the board of buttons and pressed her thumb into the correct one. Her ride in the elevator was long enough to gulp down a few more mouthfuls of liquid energy, check on Zola and check her pager again. The smooth movement relaxed her and she felt an inner peace fill her during the silent ride.

_Ding._ Chaos. She stumbled out of the doors and was met with sharp screams, muted moaning and tangible terror. Meredith could feel the peace leaking through the bottom of her sneakers and her stomach instead filled with turmoil.

'Grey! Train verses school bus; you're needed in The Pit immediately.' Bailey shouted as she rushed past Meredith, her hands were pumping a frantic rhythm on the chest of a man who looked more like corpse. Pushing into action, Meredith jogged to the crèche, swung the door open and smiled thinly at the day care assistant who was watching over the two children giggling on the floor. She settled Zola's carrier on the floor, dumped the baby bag and planted a kiss on the child's forehead before tearing open the door and disappearing into the crowd.

'I'll be back as soon as possible.' Her disembodied voice drifted back into the room where the day care woman was already liberating the struggling child from the carrier and rolling her eyes, muttering quietly under her breath.


	3. Chapter 3

~_In the Pit_~

'Crush injuries to left side, blown pupils, dislocated left hip, multiple lacerations and possible inter-cranial damage. She says she hit her head on the seat in front.' The wrecked body of the child lay before her. The blood was streaming from everywhere, thick crimson jets pooling on the alabaster skin. The girl writhed in pain and called out for her mother and ...her father.

Meredith reached around the buzzing nurses and pulled the oxygen mask down settling it over the patient's mouth and nose. She pulled up the eyelids and shone a small light into the chocolate depths.

'Pupils are blown but also unresponsive,' her eyes trailed over the prone body lying on the table 'call up to neuro for a consult and page Dr. Torres to set her hip. Give her five of morphine. Clean out the lacerations and stitch them. If she loses too much blood give her a transfusion and IV fluids.'

Meredith briefly lifted the oxygen mask and spoke clearly to the child.

'Hey sweetie, you were in a crash. Do you remember?' Weak moans neither confirmed nor dismissed the question.

'You're in a hospital and the doctors are going to make you feel better again, OK? Now darling, can you tell me your name?' The tiny face below her seemed to crumple, tears flowed down her cheeks and she briefly shook her head, the pain the action caused appeared on her face.

'Don't move your head if you can. Can you remember your parents' names? Or where you live?' Meredith gently pressed.

'Mommy, I want my mommy and my daddy!' she screamed. Then, her eyes rolled back in her head and her body shook violently. Her limbs and spine twisted into unnatural shapes and transformed her body into something alien and uncontrollable.

'She's seizing.' The nurse called. Meredith prepared to reach form drugs to stop the fitting, when the girl's body shuddered and went limp. The machine tied to every available region of the body screamed in protest.

'She's bradycardic – we need a crash cart in here!' Instantaneously a large cart was shoved through the curtains and Meredith reached for the paddles.

'Charge to 100. Clear.' The power surged under her grasping palms. The girl barely jumped. Meredith looked at the monitor. Damn. She was still bradycardic.

'Charge again. Clear.' This time the girl leapt from the bed and the machine stopped its incessant screaming and returned to its normal beat.

'Did you call neuro?'

'Yes. They're swamped.' A voice emerged from the sea of bumbling nurses.

'Well, call them again. This is urgent. She shows signs of severe inter-cranial bleeding.' One of the nurses separated from the swarm and ran to the phone which resided on the wall. A few seconds of unintelligible talk and the nurse set the phone back into its cradle.

'They'll be down within ten minutes.'

'Good. Page me if anything happens.' She exited the room, the doors swung behind her and she went in search of another desperate patient. Unfortunately that wasn't hard.


	4. Chapter 4

~_Later~_

She sat cross-legged on the colourful floor of crèche, snatching bites of pasta salad whenever Zola wasn't paying too much attention to her. If Zola thought that she wasn't receiving the attention she deserved, all hell would break loose. They sat companionably building a tower out of bright alphabet blocks. Meredith told Zola about the disaster this morning, more to get it off her chest than anything else. Zola listened to the rhythm and syllables as her mom told her of the nine patients she had treated that morning. Only one had died which was miraculous considering the extent of the damage.

Suddenly the food reached her stomach and Meredith had to lunge for the bin in the corner. She threw up violently. Her stomach attempted to purge her stomach of its contents and then some more. After retching twice without bringing anything up her stomach settled. The assistant looked at her quizzically but didn't try to assist.

'It's just a stomach bug. I've been feeling off for a couple of days.' She felt the need to explain herself to the woman who was now staring at her like she was a complete moron. She reached for the baby bag and rustled around inside. She produced a bottle of cold syrup and a spoon. She poured a spoon for Zola and then swallowed down two spoons herself.

'I'll be back in a second, baby.' She called to Zola and then grabbed the bin liner and exited the room. She dumped the bin liner in a disposal bin and then went to the toilets to rinse her mouth.

Christina was staring at her reflection in the mirror when the sound of the door swinging open startled her.

'Mer,' she said in that way which meant she had to get her problems off her chest. Meredith prepared herself, scooped up a mouthful of water and gargled.

'Have you heard anything from Derek yet?' The painful stab she felt in her chest forced her to spit the water out in a burst. She turned to glare at Christina.

'What?' She said. 'Not call, text or email to say that he's still alive.' Meredith hadn't seen Derek since he walked out on her just before she had been given temporary custody of Zola. The chief had told her that he had taken his vacation and didn't know when, or if, he was coming back. Although Meredith had sent him messages and left him voicemails pleading for his return, if not for her sake, for Zola's but she had a feeling he wasn't receiving them. She knew if he knew about Zola he'd be back in Seattle, telling her about her horrific mothering skills and snatching the toddler out of her arms. For an insane moment she was jealous of her own daughter. Derek would come back for her; he loved her but he wouldn't even answer the damn phone to her.

'Hello? Earth to Meredith.' Christina had used her sharp mouth to cut through Meredith's pretence and Meredith felt the depression rising up inside her threatening to obliterate every other good thing in her life. She took one final look at herself in the mirror then walked out of the toilets and wandered back to the crèche. Christina followed her spouting random crap. Meredith tuned her out while she tried to put together the pieces of her sanity. When they reached the room, Meredith pulled Zola into her arms and sat with her back pressed to the wall. Christina curled up beside them. She was still chattering away relentlessly.

'And then he had the audacity to tell me that...' Bracing Zola to her chest helped her to remember all the reasons she had to not give in to the melancholy that attempted to drown her every waking moment.

'They're all the same, so _holier than thou_. Wouldn't you agree?' Meredith caught the tone of Christina's voice and realised she required an answer. She murmured a quiet affirmative, hoping that was all the answer the question need. It was. With her facade now carefully pieced together she joined in the conversation. Apparently Owen still hadn't allowed her to move back in.

'But he's being so unfair. You _did _tell him you didn't want children and he said that was OK. You probably should have warned him tho'.'

'I did!' She countered and just like that Meredith slipped back into her old life.


	5. Chapter 5

~_A week later_~

Dull, brown boxes lined the walls, everywhere she looked. Meredith had collapsed on the sofa, exhausted after moving all the boxes in. Zola was contentedly laughing in her play pen which Meredith had been very careful not to put near the precarious towers of boxes. They spelled death for anyone unlucky enough to fall prey to their toppling. The house felt so much more whole and lively. Christina was moving in after Owen boxed all her possessions up and left them on the pavement vulnerable to weather, breakages and thieves. Alex and Mer had finally made their peace and he had leapt at the chance to move back into the house. The entire house was thrumming with life and Meredith liked it that way. Being busy gave her no time to delve into Derek problems.

'No! That's my room. I called shotgun on that room.' Meredith smiled to herself and trundled upstairs to quiet the roaring. I was always going to be difficult. She had five bedrooms and seven people. Lexie and Jackson had agreed to share a bedroom. Zola had the nursery. April was refusing to share her room with anyone. Christina wanted to move into April's room because it was the biggest. Alex just wanted his old room back.

'Just warning you there's going to be a lot of women in my room so you might want to rethink that plan.' Alex threatened. Meredith got to the top of the stairs just in time to see April slap him.

'I don't know who would want to sleep with a... chauvinistic... arrogant... selfish... PEABRAIN!' She stuttered. Alex's lip curled at her unimpressive insult and retorted.

'Well there's no chance of you bringing anyone back is there in your cherry condition.' Flames burned in her eyes and Alex was getting close to having his balls severed. Meredith was about to step in but then Alex sneered and April lost it. It happened so quickly that Meredith wasn't even sure what had happened. Alex had fallen to his knees and was gasping and clutching at his groin. April had stalked off to her bedroom and slammed her door with a resounding bang.

'You deserved that.' Meredith chided him. Christina perked up.

'Because he upset April, I get his room right? It is his fault and I haven't insulted anyone or kneed anyone in the balls. I get first pick right?'

Meredith sighed and made up her mind.

'Zola gets the nursery. Lexie is moving into Jackson's room. Alex can move back into his old room. April can keep her room.' A high-pitched squeal came from April's room before April herself rushed out and threw herself at Meredith. Christina's mouth turned down as she tried to figure her place in this arrangement.

'Christina can sleep in my room.' It came out barely a whisper. There was a shocked silence. The suddenly Christina whooped.

'I get an en-suite _and _the biggest room!' She screamed. Suddenly the hallway was filled with pointless chatter and more arguments. Meredith slinked away unnoticed. She closed her bedroom door behind her, disintegrated into the bed and let the misery have her.

_He's not coming home. _She thought through her melancholy. _He's not coming home...ever. _With that thought she dissolved into tears on the bed they had once shared.


	6. Chapter 6

~_The next day~_

She awoke to pure light filtering through the curtains of Zola's room. Zola was still peacefully sleeping on in her crib. Quietly Meredith picked up the copy of _Gray's Anatomy that_ she read to Zola every night, and placed it with a muffled thump on the floor. She got out of the rocking chair and went to the mirror that hung on the back of the door. She was astonished by the image there. The eyes were puffy and red. Splotches of red covered the cheeks at irregular and sickly looking intervals. The lips quivered despite the way they were pressed desperately together. Huge purple circles encompassed the eyes which brimmed with unshed tears and the skin had turned deathly pale and sunken in revealing the bones underneath. She slowly reached up a withered had to touch the face...her face. She was struck by the horror of not being able to recognise her own features. For the first time in her life the sheer amount of emotional disaster and devastation inside was plainly visible in her physical exterior.

She went to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water hoping to disperse the sadness carved into her face. She heard rustling and banging downstairs and followed it down to the kitchen. Christina was rummaging through the cupboards.

'Where is the damn cereal?' She growled through her teeth. The question wasn't directed at Meredith as Christina hadn't noticed her arrival but she answered anyway.

'Top right cupboard.' She had overestimated the state of her voice and what was meant to be a clear, direct answer, came out in a voice rusty from crying. Christina swung around, startled.

'Mer, you look like...' Her comment dribbled off. Then she started up again. 'Why do you keep it there? It's too far from the coffee maker.' Christina babbled on in a slightly panicked way, occasionally throwing concerned glances over her shoulder as she prepared breakfast. Finally, she settled a bowl of cereal and cup of coffee in front of Meredith. She paused for a moment, deciding that her best friend needed a distraction.

'So I phoned Owen again last night?' She offered up. Meredith listened in silence. 'He's still angry and insists the whole thing is my fault.' During Christina's monologue, Alex came down stairs. He stumbled when he saw Mer's face but quickly moved on and started to fry some bacon.

'I told him it wasn't a baby yet but he kept insisting that it was; that I'd somehow killed it.' Meredith clung onto every word as if they were lifeboats in the middle of an endless ocean.

'He just kept repeating: 'It was a baby, a baby, Christina, a baby'.' Unexpectedly, the salty, sickly scent of bacon filled Meredith's nostrils and she dived for the kitchen sink. Christina's hands found her hair, pulling it back from her face. Alex was astonished. After she had finished retching, Alex proffered a glass of water.

The words danced and swam around her head. Christina had said 'a baby'. It couldn't be. Her confused eyes rose to meet first Alex's which seemed to agree with her conclusion. Then she swivelled to look at Christina whose eyes held all the confirmation she needed. A baby. Her weak legs couldn't support her anymore and she fell only to be caught by Alex's muscled arms and Christina's slim yet powerful pair. She broke into uncontrollable sobs wrapped in a blanket of her friend's arms'.


	7. Chapter 7

~_A few hours later_~

Two flashes...two streaks...two lines. She pondered how these two small pink lines could possibly mean her total and undeniable destruction.

'Mer,' Christina's voice seeped through the cracks of the door, 'what does it say?' Meredith could hear the frustration infiltrate her voice even when she was attempting to be supporting and she couldn't really blame her. Christina had run to the grocery store faster than she had ever run for an emergency page. Then she had agonisingly waited while Mer sipped down litre after litre of orange juice. Finally Meredith had made the ominous trip to the bathroom while Christina danced nervously around the door.

'It's positive.' She whispered.

'What?' Christina hollered before barging into the bathroom. One look at her friend's tear streaked face explained the entire situation.

'Oh, Mer. It's going to be alright. It's not as bad as it seems. We can get the whole thing sorted out really easily. I promise you. I mean it's only about a month right. You can take a pill and then it's all over.' She rushed to reassure the woman who had helped her through every crisis she had ever had.

'I'd never abort our baby!' She stuttered before changing tone and amending her sentence.

'I'm not going to abort my baby.' Christina reeled back, stung. Then realised Meredith wasn't judging and condemning her.

'That's your decision, of course. Just remember you already have Zola. Can you cope with another child? With his child?' This was the closest Christina had ever come to speaking out loud her concerns. She could feel Meredith coming apart at the seams. Every day without Derek broke her just a little bit more and Christina worried that one day her best friend would be nothing more than salty tears and bitter memories.

'I **won't **kill my baby!' She screamed and stormed out of the room.

Meredith found herself in the bedroom. The bedroom where they had talked laughed and slept together. Deep down she realised that she wasn't coping and that she needed help but another more forceful part of her hoped and prayed that if she didn't' give up, one day she would be able to conjure him out of the memories she hoarded and make him real.

She opened the wardrobe and delicately slipped a shirt off its hanger. She lay down on the bed and wrapped her arms deftly around then sky blue pinstripes, burying her nose in the crisp fabric. _Derek._

* * *

><p><em>Authors Note: Need a few more reviews and suggestions as I'm runnin out of ideas and I have NO idea hw I'm gonna end this. I edited a cuple chapters cause I realised I kept slipping into 1st person but the content is exactly the same. Beccy x<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_~Downstairs~_

Christina was contemplating. God knew she had problems but right now she had to focus on Meredith. She thought back to the day when she had advised Meredith to reject Derek.

'_Ok you want to know what I think. You really want to know. You and Derek will not work. Moving in together is a mistake of massive proportions. You are dreaming of dead Derek which should tell you it will not work.'_

She had said it out of spite at the time but now she knew that it would have been better if Meredith had taken her selfish evaluation of their relationship and acted upon it. But wishing for a different past wasn't going to help anyone now. She was right about one thing that day though':

_Happily ever after does not exist._

She had believed in this one simple thing for all of her life and when she had started to waver in her devotion to the phrase, reality, a baby and Owen had set her straight.

Eugh. She needed to sideline her own problems. Meredith was more important.

'Really..? Still. I would have thought being shut up in our little bedroom all night would have been enough.' An alluring voice tumbled down the stairs followed by its owner and its owner's boyfriend. Their brash voices jolted Christina from her train of thought.

'Well I just can't get en-'Christina cleared her throat loudly and the two glowing faces swivelled to face her. Lexie and Jackson wore the classic teenager-caught-in-the-act expression perfectly. Jackson dropped his arms slowly, as if not to drawn attention to them, from where they were pinning Lexie to the banister.

'Hey Christina.' Lexie attempted to diffuse the awkwardness. The effect was ruined by the magenta blush that had gathered on her cheeks.

Christina attempted to look disapproving but she simply didn't care about the very public show of affection the way the other residents of the house did. April didn't like being reminded that she was the only virgin left in existence; Meredith didn't want Zola to see them at it constantly and Alex didn't like the idea of anyone getting laid more than him.

Christina only grunted in response to Lexie's greeting and that's what alerted her to the frigid atmosphere in the house.

'Why don't we go back upstairs?' Jackson whispered. His hot, heavy breath tickled her ear before his talented mouth started to burn a trail down her neck.

'Not now.' She sighed unenthusiastically.

'Why not baby?' He murmured. Lexie wondered how Jackson could be so dense and unaware.

'You need some fresh air.' She said while shoving him out of the door. His mind was trying to calculate what had gone wrong. Today had seemed like it would be a good day and now he had been shut out in the frosty Seattle afternoon with a door slammed in his face. He glumly turned and wandered aimlessly down the street.

Lexie spun to face Christina, her face filled with worry and despair.

'Meredith's pregnant,' Lexie stood frozen 'with Derek's child.' Both figures stayed rigid in their positions until the revelation had sunk in.

'She's flat lining.' A single voice spoke the truth in the only language it could.

* * *

><p>Ok so nothing much really happens in this chapter I just didn't know what to write about Mer yet?<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

~_The Next Day_~

Christina had already called in to the hospital with excuses designed to get both Meredith and herself out of work. Less than ten minutes later the phone had rang. Christina dived for it, frightened that the brazen tones would jolt Meredith out of her sleep which served as an anaesthetic against the pain and horror of her situation.

'Is she alright?' A deep voice vibrated through the handset. The voice was recognisable yet unfamiliar. She had so often heard it but had never before had it been infused with such anxiety.

'She's not healing.'

'But it's been a month! She has to move on.'

'Every time she starts to cope she gets knocked back down again. She found out she was pregnant yesterday.' Christina reluctantly gave up the information. She had never understood the relationship between Meredith and the Chief.

'I'm coming over. Tonight.' The words rushed out and then the phone clicked off.

She sank into the sofa, grabbed the remote and started to flick between channels. The house was silent and still. In her line of work, silence was bad. Stillness meant death. She remembered back to when Meredith had almost drowned. It had been petrifying to hold her best friend's cold, lifeless body. What she hadn't known was that losing a friend while their heart is still beating and their pulse is still present was so much worse because there was nothing she could do. No amount of chest compressions or CPR could breathe life back into Meredith. She just had to wait and hope.

But she hadn't given up then and she wouldn't give up now.


	10. Chapter 10

~_Later_~

Cristina was watching _America's Next Top Model_. She hated daytime TV just like every other sane human being on the planet but she found it amusing to laugh at the shallow, little bimbos who paraded themselves around a catwalk as a source of income. They were under the impression that they had difficult lives but they weren't living on planet Earth.

'Aahhh!' The muffled sound came from upstairs. Zola had just woken up and was confused as to why her mother wasn't curled up in the rocking chair next to her crib, ready to comfort and soothe her. Christina had forgotten about the child who had been sleeping upstairs. She scrambled up the stairs and into the nursery intent on shutting the child up.

Zola stared up at the face of her mother's best friend. She had only seen flashes and glimpses of the woman while she had been living here and therefore the face brought her no familiar comfort. She balled up her plump fists, scrunched up her – face in preparation. Christina saw the tears welling up in the child's eyes and jumped into action.

'Don't cry. Don't cry.' She repeated while dancing nervously around the crib. She didn't try to approach the baby preferring to cautiously maintain her distance from the creature.

Zola was fascinated by the strange movements and words of the stranger and momentarily stopped her wailing.

'That's a good baby. Good baby!' She put both hands up and grimaced. Zola pierced the air with another cry. She was hungry, she was thirsty and she needed a change. She didn't want to play games. Christina heard Meredith roll over in their bedroom. She grabbed the baby monitor off the side table. If she could turn it off Meredith might not be woken by the child squawking in her ear. She pressed a button but the green light was still displayed. She pressed another and another but the light would not die. Frustrated Christina hit it against the table. The back panel fell off and two batteries tumbled to the carpeted floor. With that battle won she turned to the next.

'Zola, you need to be quiet your mummy is sleeping.' She tried to reason with the child. To nobody's surprise the child continued.

'Shush Zola. Shush.' Her frantic hushing did nothing to quiet the child. Finally she accepted the evitable. She placed her palms flat along the sides careful not to press to hard and in one quick motion swept her arms upwards holding the baby away from her body. She proceeded to nudge the door open with her bum, back slowly out of the room and tiptoe lightly down the stairs.

When she got to the bottom she wondered what she was supposed to do. She didn't know what to do with a child. It's just a small human she thought to herself, so therefore it must act like a human. It was morning so it must be hungry. She settled it in the pink and purple highchair and took out a jar of baby food and a spoon and settled them on the tray table. Zola didn't eat. She wondered what was wrong with it then realised it couldn't hold the spoon with its chubby fingers. Standing as far away as possible she scooped up the green much and proffered it. Zola hungrily swallowed down the bizarre breakfast of pureed pasta and tomato.

'That's a good girl Zola. Now you've finished breakfast what do you want to do?' She asked. Christina switched on the coffee machine and then wondered if it would be thirsty too.

'Are you thirsty? You must be because I am.' She couldn't give it coffee but she filled the bright beaker on the drying rack with juice and gave it to Zola. She was relieved when the baby picked it up and drank from it without any assistance. What next she pondered? Just then an awful aroma drifted up to her. She guardedly sniffed closer. Eugh. This is why she hated babies; all they ever do is poop. She picked the horrid thing up and muttered under her breath. Meredith owed her big for this.

* * *

><p>Was this chapter any good? I'm thinking NOT, as I hated writing it. Never mind! Back to Meredith next chapter :D<p>

beccyx


End file.
